Smedley Vision

I need help. I have things I need to say and be able to talk about without being judged And I have things I am truly afraid to talk about but need to without being judged. I have no friends. Not the kind I need. Not one. I see a counselor. He’s good but I go when I can afford or when Covid isn’t making it impossible. I am not the person I wanted to be or should be. I am the person that was inevitable. You know what I mean. I’m ‘that’ guy. I am alone in a room full of people. People I know or am related to. I lost my crutch when I stopped playing guitar and writing songs. And I was kinda fucking good at it. I have chased away every single person who ever tried to get to know me, likes me, or loved me. And there were some truly amazing people in that group. Amazing. Angelic. Loyal. Non judgemental. Strong. Gentle. Brave. Talented. Beautiful. And on and on I made them rue the day, hate me, wish me dead, loath me, hurt me, punish me, and run from me. And none of this even begins to cover the things I need to say or talk about. Like I said, I need help.